What If We Weren't Color Blind?

As I sat down to write this blog post... I stared at my computer screen for long stretches of empty time just thinking and dwelling upon God. My next door neighbors would come and visit me every so often and we would talk for an hour or so and I would return to this blank screen when they would leave. Sometimes I realize that  I just don't have the words!

They are trapped in a snippet of melody, a color in the clouds, a curve of a smile, the saltiness of a tear, the pounding of a faithful heart, the prayers of the earnest, and the wind of the Spirit.

The wind is blowing with conviction outside my window... my curtains stretch and flit every so often, and I can hear the rustling of leaves as branches meet distant relatives. It is a beautiful sound, and an inviting event to behold.

God is beyond our consciousness. He is beyond our understanding. His love is overwhelming. His truth is blinding. His light rips a whole in our dimly lit reality. Oh how blessed we are to catch a hold of His garments here in this life.

He is so gentle with us. Oh if we could see and understand His power, if we could have the slightest dash of faith to believe in His love.

A friend of mine once told me that "The Kingdom of God was advancing violently!"

It is with tears in my eyes that my heart cries out to God "I want to see! I want to see what Jimmy saw!" Oh God give me the eyes to behold your presence as it dances and wraps itself around those who seek your face, and those who thirst for your righteousness in this broken and hurting world.

I want to sit and listen to your voice. If I can heart, then my heart wouldn't wander for to be filled. I want that melody, that tune that you are humming over me to reside within this heart. I long for you to take your brush and paint the walls of this heart into something beautiful.

Oh give us the faith to behold your glory and love. Remind me that I am clay daily, and humble me. Drench me and soften me with your grace. Shape me with your firm hand and guide me with your light. I want to be able to walk humbly with you through this life, and it is only in complete surrender unto you that I may.

The kingdom of God is advancing violently as Jimmy told us. It is running like a mighty steed, burning in flight like a phoenix, sailing and skipping like a dolphin, and snatching and dashing rusty chains of bondage. It is awakening hearts, and bringing color back into this world of grey. My eyes haven't adjusted yet to these new colors...

We need His love more than the air we breath. Everything else is meaningless and chasing the wind.

Handong, the place of vision! Let me introduce you to my new family! :)

You should see what God has done in 16 years! I am so blessed and honored to be a part of this place and the team of beautiful people that God has placed me with. We learn, to serve. He is all we need!

Looking over Lake Cheon-Ma-Ji towards the city of Pohang! You can see the forest of apartment buildings there in the background. A 5 minute walk from my dorm :)

Looking back towards Handong, down the hill and through the woods!

Handong Canyon! We took a wonderful hike to the top and saw an owl perched in the cleft! :)

Looking over the canyon to the lake and Pohang beyond :)

A traditional tomb that we found in the woods :)

Rice fields :) I love these things... such a beautiful green!

Like I said... I really enjoy these rice fields. See the joy on my face, and the need for me to have a picture taken with the rice?

Practicing Korean culture and my new knack for modern art :)

On a bike ride to Chilpo beach! Looking back the valley to Handong.

On campus! A look across a field, that we're techincally not supposed to walk across but I try to atleast once a week to enjoy the grass, at our beautiful library!

A look at our cafeteria and lots of crazy asian kids playing b-ball :)

My three roomates (Teriyoung: Korea, Kami: Rwanda, Mil Ar: Korea) and I doing a Rwandan pose: AKA in the states as the standing in the rain after crawling through 500 yards of poo to escape Shawshank prison :)  We took this picture on the beach during our Team's first adventure and party night!

The Lone Survivors of Jim-Jil-Bang! (Korean Public Bath House). My team and I all went swimming in the ocean at 1 AM and part of our team continued on to the most epic Korean experience ever! Salt shower time, Sauna, late night games and snacks, sleeping in little brick oven shaped coveys, and waking up to the most epic hot tub/cold shower experience ever! I am going to do this every weekend I believe... Yes I have decided!

Market Place downtown Pohang :)

Advertisements in an alley way. Yeah... Koreans are big into drama/singing.

International outing in the streets of Pohang! Photo shoot time... All in the spirit of being "more" Korean.

Looking through an old window... into another world!

That's it for now! Love you all :)

Give up yourself, and you will find your real self

I found this as I was roaming about through C.S. Lewis quotes. It is exactly what I am trying to understand in my life at the moment. I do hope you all will enjoy :)

"But there must be a real giving up of the self. You must throw it away ‘blindly’ so to speak. Christ will indeed give you a real personality: but you must not go to Him for the sake of that. As long as your own personality is what you are bothering about you are not going to Him at all. The very first step is to try to forget about the self altogether. Your real, new self (which is Christ’s and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. 

    Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in."

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (1952; Harper Collins: 2001) 223-225.

Thailand A`hoy Mateys!! I Am A Gift...

Egads!! We had a team meeting today and I realize that only three days have to come and go before we will be dropped off in 36 C (95 F) weather in the middle of Bangkok Thailand :D Still, even saying this I fully don`t understand the implications of the changes I`m about to experience. God is full of surprises and will provide and pave the way, but I feel like when I step I`ll be stepping in freshly laid concrete that wasn`t there the day before leaving my prints as I go.

I`ve learned sooo much in the last 6 months. I really can`t describe some of the changes and challenges and beautiful revelations God has been giving me through various experiences here in this cozy little town in Norway. I`ve learned alot about myself and feel equipped and confident in who God made me to be :) I`ve had such valuable opportunities to share what God has done in my life and what He has given me to people from across Norway and Europe. I`ve learned that no matter how small or big the talent, we should let it shine and give glory to Him! I don`t want to be the man that took his talent and burried it in the ground, I want to invest my entire being into His kingdom!

This whole period has been rather "me" focused, I won`t lie. And necessarily so at that! As my Swedish friend from Koster Island says "Before you go out, you must go in". Quite simply that is what God has tried to do with me these six months. I`ve fought and struggled with Him, but I`ve learned alot despite my own efforts. He has revealed Himself to me and inside me.

However I`m coming to the point where I simply have to get over myself! :p I`ve learned alot and internalized alot, and resolved issues from my past. I`ve been equipped to live for Him and to live passionately. I feel like I`ve found the good life! Soo cozy!

Yet now I face phase 2 which simply says "Whoever finds his life will lost it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt 10:39 I never fully understood this passage until now, (or atleast how I interpret it). I`m now understanding that I`m faced with a choice. Go into these two months saving some face, not puting my expectations too high, settling for mediocrity and a comfortable living experience. Or... Pour myself out for the sake of His kingdom. I will "throw my life away" in the eyes of many, even my own, but as I give my life as a living sacrifice to do whatever He wills I trust that I will find a truer life than I ever imagined.

What am I willing to give? How much? What`s the point in asking "what`s in it for me?" anymore? Here is the beautiful and weight lifting truth, It`s not about me! Hallelujah, I thought I had drowned in my own ego by now. How much pain am I willing to endure? Is it really worth it?

It`s always worth it... for one child alone. Sometimes I feel like the song "Sleeping in the Light" By Keith Green really applies to me.

Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
Cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

And there`s the kicker! This is where the line falls and by grace alone I stand on one side (or I should say jump and fall) or the other. Will I get my fuzzy bed head out of bed to do what He has said? How can I delay? His spirit has moved my heart, and spoken so much truth to me, I would be denying Him if I did. How can I be so dead, when I`ve been so well fed?

And this is what it comes down to. My motives. My heart. Will my actions and words reflect my heart, but more importantly will my heart reflect Him? The truth is when I change my motives from myself to Gods kingdom, I change from being a victim of my past to a player in Gods kingdom.

This is why I feel like I am about to be broken in half. I feel as if my pride will rain on my own parade and come crashing down only so the skies can clear and I relish in the simple joy of seeing the sun again. I feel as if I will be crushed by mercy and grace itself in horrifying ways that force me to be forgiving and giving to others. UGH ahhGH! This is going to suck! Seriously... as a friend of mine mentioned "all I see is pain in the forecast...". I had to laugh, but now I realize he may have been right.

The most glorious act in all of history, the ransom of our sins, was excrutiatingly painful to the whole being. We are to live as Christ lived. Why did I expect I could escape the pain factor of life? Through pain we find some of the most beautiful and precious things in the world. But who wants the precious things of the world? "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" Psalm 73:25-26.

Through sacrifice and through giving, through living the heart, the curtain is lifted from our eyes and we see the life that is truly life that we read about in 1 Tim 6:17-19 at the end of verse 19. And what are these treasures that are being laid up? Is there really a big big house, with lots and lots of food? Oh no these treasures are different...They`re treasure of the kingdom! And oh how they trump this world! "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." Rom 14:17

In reality these three eternal spiritual truths are the true treasures in any life. This is what I yearn after, this is what I am trading my rags of desperate ego worship for. This is what I`m losing my life for. To find contentment in His hands.

So now all I have left is to be content in His hands, and cast away the lies that tell me to jump out and try stuff on my own because I`m strong and coragious. That`s such a laugh! Oh man. I`ve seriously got to be realistic with myself. I`m such a human man! Ahh its hilarious sometimes :) I really am mortal, and pretty weak in all respects. How could I assume with some air of arrogance that what I did have was rightfully mine?

Everything I have is a gift, everything I am is a gift. I am a gift, and gifts are made to be given. So I`m giving myself completely unreservedly over the top extremely radically to God, and commiting myself 100 % to be used by Him in Thailand. "Do whatever it takes, to make me into your original masterpiece..."

Go Under the Mercy
-Sam

Ps. Here`s a prayer folder my team-mate Helge cooked up for us! It means sooo much if you could take a look and keep my team and I in your prayers! Love you guys! Enjoy :)

http://helgehaugland.com/diverse/prayerfolder_thailand_march_may_2010_english_v3.pdf



This is just a little thing I wrote in Germany that I haven`t posted yet, but wanted to :)

Lovers Walked These Hills...


It`s startling to think of how this little village of Menzingen was once part of Nazi Germany. There`s such peace here. I hear the birds chirp through the winter sunlight. These steep hills lined with orchards and vineyards waiting to burst at the seems at the first mention of spring give me such hope! This place is undyingly romantic and archaic. The fact that other young men have stood where I stand partaking in this gift of beauty stirs somethings inside of me. I can see them standing as I stand now gazing down into the valley over the snow topped village to the hills and woods that lie beyond. It creates a sense of longing in the human soul that can not be explained nor fully fulfilled in the physical sense. Yet there is a beautiful sense of complete contenment in knowing this truth which overwhelms me, and I am thankful just for this short moment.

The church down in the village sounds it`s fifteen past, and I must be on my way. Yet I pause just one last time to cherish the contentment of my soul. God is good, and this simpleness that I behold is just a fragment of the root of truth. Just enough to season my day, to make my cold poridge of a life into a warm tasty bowl of broth that will heat my heart during the winter seasons. God knew what He was doing when He gave us senses to behold His creation. The result of true life is passion and pleasure in its most purest form, where everything is complete. When the striving of the days between physicality and spirituality give way to the calm and the rest found in unity. This is life, this is truth, this is beauty. How can we not fall in love?

This is my prayer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmSrlZ6Uxe4