Thailand A`hoy Mateys!! I Am A Gift...

Egads!! We had a team meeting today and I realize that only three days have to come and go before we will be dropped off in 36 C (95 F) weather in the middle of Bangkok Thailand :D Still, even saying this I fully don`t understand the implications of the changes I`m about to experience. God is full of surprises and will provide and pave the way, but I feel like when I step I`ll be stepping in freshly laid concrete that wasn`t there the day before leaving my prints as I go.

I`ve learned sooo much in the last 6 months. I really can`t describe some of the changes and challenges and beautiful revelations God has been giving me through various experiences here in this cozy little town in Norway. I`ve learned alot about myself and feel equipped and confident in who God made me to be :) I`ve had such valuable opportunities to share what God has done in my life and what He has given me to people from across Norway and Europe. I`ve learned that no matter how small or big the talent, we should let it shine and give glory to Him! I don`t want to be the man that took his talent and burried it in the ground, I want to invest my entire being into His kingdom!

This whole period has been rather "me" focused, I won`t lie. And necessarily so at that! As my Swedish friend from Koster Island says "Before you go out, you must go in". Quite simply that is what God has tried to do with me these six months. I`ve fought and struggled with Him, but I`ve learned alot despite my own efforts. He has revealed Himself to me and inside me.

However I`m coming to the point where I simply have to get over myself! :p I`ve learned alot and internalized alot, and resolved issues from my past. I`ve been equipped to live for Him and to live passionately. I feel like I`ve found the good life! Soo cozy!

Yet now I face phase 2 which simply says "Whoever finds his life will lost it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt 10:39 I never fully understood this passage until now, (or atleast how I interpret it). I`m now understanding that I`m faced with a choice. Go into these two months saving some face, not puting my expectations too high, settling for mediocrity and a comfortable living experience. Or... Pour myself out for the sake of His kingdom. I will "throw my life away" in the eyes of many, even my own, but as I give my life as a living sacrifice to do whatever He wills I trust that I will find a truer life than I ever imagined.

What am I willing to give? How much? What`s the point in asking "what`s in it for me?" anymore? Here is the beautiful and weight lifting truth, It`s not about me! Hallelujah, I thought I had drowned in my own ego by now. How much pain am I willing to endure? Is it really worth it?

It`s always worth it... for one child alone. Sometimes I feel like the song "Sleeping in the Light" By Keith Green really applies to me.

Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
Cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

And there`s the kicker! This is where the line falls and by grace alone I stand on one side (or I should say jump and fall) or the other. Will I get my fuzzy bed head out of bed to do what He has said? How can I delay? His spirit has moved my heart, and spoken so much truth to me, I would be denying Him if I did. How can I be so dead, when I`ve been so well fed?

And this is what it comes down to. My motives. My heart. Will my actions and words reflect my heart, but more importantly will my heart reflect Him? The truth is when I change my motives from myself to Gods kingdom, I change from being a victim of my past to a player in Gods kingdom.

This is why I feel like I am about to be broken in half. I feel as if my pride will rain on my own parade and come crashing down only so the skies can clear and I relish in the simple joy of seeing the sun again. I feel as if I will be crushed by mercy and grace itself in horrifying ways that force me to be forgiving and giving to others. UGH ahhGH! This is going to suck! Seriously... as a friend of mine mentioned "all I see is pain in the forecast...". I had to laugh, but now I realize he may have been right.

The most glorious act in all of history, the ransom of our sins, was excrutiatingly painful to the whole being. We are to live as Christ lived. Why did I expect I could escape the pain factor of life? Through pain we find some of the most beautiful and precious things in the world. But who wants the precious things of the world? "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" Psalm 73:25-26.

Through sacrifice and through giving, through living the heart, the curtain is lifted from our eyes and we see the life that is truly life that we read about in 1 Tim 6:17-19 at the end of verse 19. And what are these treasures that are being laid up? Is there really a big big house, with lots and lots of food? Oh no these treasures are different...They`re treasure of the kingdom! And oh how they trump this world! "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." Rom 14:17

In reality these three eternal spiritual truths are the true treasures in any life. This is what I yearn after, this is what I am trading my rags of desperate ego worship for. This is what I`m losing my life for. To find contentment in His hands.

So now all I have left is to be content in His hands, and cast away the lies that tell me to jump out and try stuff on my own because I`m strong and coragious. That`s such a laugh! Oh man. I`ve seriously got to be realistic with myself. I`m such a human man! Ahh its hilarious sometimes :) I really am mortal, and pretty weak in all respects. How could I assume with some air of arrogance that what I did have was rightfully mine?

Everything I have is a gift, everything I am is a gift. I am a gift, and gifts are made to be given. So I`m giving myself completely unreservedly over the top extremely radically to God, and commiting myself 100 % to be used by Him in Thailand. "Do whatever it takes, to make me into your original masterpiece..."

Go Under the Mercy
-Sam

Ps. Here`s a prayer folder my team-mate Helge cooked up for us! It means sooo much if you could take a look and keep my team and I in your prayers! Love you guys! Enjoy :)

http://helgehaugland.com/diverse/prayerfolder_thailand_march_may_2010_english_v3.pdf



This is just a little thing I wrote in Germany that I haven`t posted yet, but wanted to :)

Lovers Walked These Hills...


It`s startling to think of how this little village of Menzingen was once part of Nazi Germany. There`s such peace here. I hear the birds chirp through the winter sunlight. These steep hills lined with orchards and vineyards waiting to burst at the seems at the first mention of spring give me such hope! This place is undyingly romantic and archaic. The fact that other young men have stood where I stand partaking in this gift of beauty stirs somethings inside of me. I can see them standing as I stand now gazing down into the valley over the snow topped village to the hills and woods that lie beyond. It creates a sense of longing in the human soul that can not be explained nor fully fulfilled in the physical sense. Yet there is a beautiful sense of complete contenment in knowing this truth which overwhelms me, and I am thankful just for this short moment.

The church down in the village sounds it`s fifteen past, and I must be on my way. Yet I pause just one last time to cherish the contentment of my soul. God is good, and this simpleness that I behold is just a fragment of the root of truth. Just enough to season my day, to make my cold poridge of a life into a warm tasty bowl of broth that will heat my heart during the winter seasons. God knew what He was doing when He gave us senses to behold His creation. The result of true life is passion and pleasure in its most purest form, where everything is complete. When the striving of the days between physicality and spirituality give way to the calm and the rest found in unity. This is life, this is truth, this is beauty. How can we not fall in love?

This is my prayer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmSrlZ6Uxe4

Say hello to Sweden :) Mini update of my adventures!

Hello from Strømstad Sverige! (Sweden) :) I have... alot to update! I always seem to be quite late in my updates but alas oh well... Right now I`m sitting in the basement of a local church here in Strømstad watching the rain drizzle outside and drip off a few apples still clinging to their tree. The weather here is in an interesting state, I currently reside in that funny place between Autumn and Winter. I suppose Autumn has come and gone, the colors have left, but Winter is still waiting to pay me a visit.

Strømstad is a little town of 10,000 folks on the coast of Sweden not more than 20 minutes f rom Norway. You would think that there is almost no difference here in Sweden compared to Norway, and you would be correct... almost. The culture is similar, the houses and lifestyles are similar, excpt the language. I can not understand a word of svenske... It`s so crazy. Norwegians and Swedes can communicate pretty well and the languages are similar, but its still crazy...

So I don`t have much to say about this team week so far, as it is only the second day. However I will update next week on the last three weeks and finally get around to uploading my Bergen trip pictures and the pictures that I took when Autumn was here almost a whole month ago back in Skien :p And hopefully some videos I`ve taken here around Norway. This next week, I`m putting a huge chunk of my time away so I can get around to this :) There`s so much to say and show! God has been doing pretty awesome things!

As a rough preview of the upcoming update I will talk about the team week following Bergen. Instead of going out, my team stayed back at the base and did alot of local projects including visiting the local refugee camp where several immigrants are trying to become citizens. Very cool experience :) We also had a crazy teaching week, and God has really been right beside me speaking to my heart. More on that! And ofcourse my adventures that will take place this week here in Sweden. I`m very excited bout friday... We get to take a boat to the island Kester which only has 200 people, a small church, and not a single car. I heard it`s absolutely beautiful, and will be working with the youth there so I`m very excited!

In other news I`m actually coming home for Christmas! So I will be back in town by the 14th of December, and then back again to Norway for New years :) I do hope I`ll get the chance to see all of you! I`m sure plans of a campfire/bible study party will fall together in time hehe, atleast I hope so! And... I recently found out that my mini outreach country here in Europe is Germany! So I will visit Germany for two weeks in mid January! I`m Very, excited to say the least :D.

I do hope you all are well! I`m praying for you guys, especially this week. Hello to Venture people, I`ve especially been praying for you guys! I hope your school year is going incredibly awesome!

Talk to you all soon! :)
Go Under the Mercy
-Sam

Norway, the land of cozyness :) First teem week!

So Here I am! I`ve been here a little over a month and I have experiened so much! :)

Since Nations to Nations in Oslo we`ve been having some absolutely incredible teaching weeks! The last couple weeks have completely changed the way I view Christianity, people and myself. Love isn`t just a word anymore, the undescribable is taking form in my heart. The more I learn about love, the less I can describe it with words. I`m beginning to realize love was never meant to be spoken, nor can it be. Love only comes in revelations. Revelations that are very rarely started by words. God uses the most incredible ways to show us His love. He`s showing me how to love. Love others, love those I proclaimed to love, love those I don`t think I can, and most importantly to love myself. I`ve come to realize that self pity, and self hatred is the number 1 tool of the enemy. It keeps us stagnant, and passive. Passivity is a state of death. Nothing can ever change when we keep ourselves in passive states. We may try as hard as we want to change, but nothing will budge until we let God give us those revelations and we begin to step away from our passivity. We have to realize, and come to a solid understanding of His love for us. His love is all consuming, eternal, it chases after us. His love doesn`t relent. The entire universe, and our entire life is spent running around trying to feel and find a home for our heart to rest in. All of life is a journey and search for this cozy at home feeling where our heart is allowed to rest in a simple state of joy; where we are truly content. All we want is a connection, an understanding, a relationship with something bigger.

We search for everything that might fill our God shaped puzzle peices in our heart. We shove and jam different ideas, feelings, relationships, good deads and half truths into our heart hoping one will fit. We`ve been running in circles searching for what we can`t find, when the answer has been patiently chasing after us calling after our hearts. Sometimes we know so much in our heads but when we don`t use it we lose it. Unless we let God take whats in our heads and transfer it, reveal it in our hearts, we have not learned anything. I have come to this revelation. There is nothing in this world, nothing at all, as important as my relationship to God. It is the ultimate fulfillment of life :) It doesn`t matter how hard I try, or how far I run, God`s love for me is the ultimate truth. Nothing is more satisfying, nothing is more beautiful then when He talks with me, and we walk through life together.

The very first week of teaching was the most important thing I have ever learned in life. My whole life has been lived with the illumination of my personality and future from my past. Memories of my family, of my father, of love have cast beautiful mindsets and lifestyles from which I live by. Some of these images and mindsets have been false, and God has been changing these from partial truths to a new and fully restored truths. Yet most have been true images of love, and God has been drawing out of me memories that have been supressed to show me what He thinks of me. My life up to this point has been about the relationship I had with my dad. Its been about that connection that was severed. The relationship I had for half of my childhood, and struggled to find the last several years. There is nothing as special to me as what my relationship with my dad was, and the relationship I will have with my son. It is something so very special. It is completely solidified in my heart.

God reminded me of this one day while I was praying and asking Him what He thought about me. This memory just flooded into my heart. When I was young, oh I`d say between five and seven years old, my dad and I took a trip. We took a trip to our property in Goldthwaite central Texas, just the two of us. I had these really cool pair of cowboy boots that I was so proud of. We stayed at my grandmas house and made beds on her living room floor late that night. The next morning the three of us ate a delicious breakfast of Buscuits and Gravy. We went to our property and did some work there with the fruit trees. I`ll never forget that night. We went to the local tiny family owned mexican restaurant that we always ate at when we were in town. I ordered a tostado and we ate a great meal, just the two of us.

It wasn`t the most eventful trip, but it meant the world to me. That it was just my dad and I, taking a trip together. It meant so much to me, that my dad wanted to spend the weekend just with me. As I was remembering this and the intense feeling of love came over me God said "This is what I think about you. You`re my beloved son, and I want to spend time with you, just the two of us. Come away with me into the world across the rolling green hills. Leave all the people that you try so hard to impress and so hard to be like behind. Come with me, just the two of us. Dad and son time. Let me show you how to live, and how to love. I want to be there with you through everything. Come away with Me son, just the two of us."His love is unbearably beautiful. It chases after us.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139

No matter how much stuff we have shoved into our heart, He is always there waiting to spend time with us. He is always there waiting to fill that void in our heart that only He can fill. He is so incredibly good isn't He? Notice how the verses progress? God's love is just chasing after us! We can't escape His goodness and mercy. And then He finds us. We think we're junk. We've listened to the lies of the world so much that we don't believe we're capable of good anymore. We find solace in our passivity and self pity and self hatred. Then God comes and says "My child, you are wonderfully made. I make incredible works! Look at the world around you, look at the beauty I have made for your enjoyment! And you think you're junk? I made you to be awesome, you are awesome! I want to have a relationship with you, I want to have a connection and we can be awesome together. :D Lay down these lies, open your heart to my truth and love. Get up and stop hating what I have made."Spending personal time with Him is the greatest feeling and event of my life. There's a reason we were brought into this world, start living it! It is so satisfying and so fulfilling, it makes sense for the creation to reach for the creator :) It is so beautiful to see a toddler run to his dad. This is what life is about. This wonderfully beautiful connection with our Dad. Nothing else matters!

I've also realized that my world view isn`t so flakey anymore. I feel a depthness flow into me. Its like I`m a giant empty pitcher with a "What I believe sticker on the front" and I`ve carried it around with me showing people. I used to tell so many people I was a christian. I try to steer clear of that now. I try to not mention it unless someone asks. My goal is for people to look at me, see how I treat them, see some of my beliefs and then ask me why I do what I do. I want to be the visible follower of Christ, not the self proclaimed ignorable one. I believe God is shaping my heart into someone that is humble and ready to show his heart. Ready to share love right there on the spot no matter how "Weird" the situation is. So those were a few of the biggest points I've learned the teaching weeks leading up to our first team week. God has really been opening my heart and showing me how to live. He's been leading and guiding me with His voice and I'm so happy to walk with Him!

Sarpsborg Norway! Our first teamweek! It was quite incredible :) My team consisted of Marcea (The mother), Eva (The crazy grandmother) our two leaders and Bjarte (The baby), Vegard (Adopted brother from Sweden), Mayelinn (My baby twin) and Katerina (the German aunt :p). Sarpsborg is in eastern norway so we had to take a ferry across the ocean to avoid the long drive all the way to Oslo and south again. It was quite a fun ordeal! We were very snug with all of our luggage in our tiny little miny van hehe. Upon arriving in Sarpsborg we learned that we were to have a house all to ourselves out in the norwegian countryside. Ahh it was so beautiful and cozy there! We arrived to a feast of a lunch :) We had an absolutely great time! We travelled to Sweden for the day and bought some cheap candy and chocolate. We also had several meetings with the confirmants and youth at a local church there in Sarpsborg. We were basically in charge of everything youth oriented that week there at the church. It was so great to get to meet everyone there and let God talk through you! We also did a program at a small baptist church that serves the homeless and drug addicts hot meals. That was really great :) We all sang some songs on the guitar and I read a view bible verses and talked about hope. In the end it was a really great week where the team really came together in short notice to plan so many creative ways to let God shine. Nobody stressed, and we all worked so well together and became quite close :)

But the biggest highlight for me was definitely friday night. We were in charge of leading the youth meeting that night, and afterwards there was suppose to be a concert. We always plan things the day of, so as I woke that morning I felt God tell me that we should talk about the puzzle piece idea. So we chased after it with a homemade drama with props and all, testimonies a good teaching, a game and a full worship team. It was incredible! That evening you could just feel God controlling what was said and the atmosphere :) It was beautiful! The drama was set to a Sigur Ros song that fit perfectly to our amazement! Vegard gave a really great message, and Mayelinn and I shared our personal testimonies. It was so beautiful and amazing to let God take control of my words and say what He wanted to say. Afterwards two people were really met by God, including one of the new confirmants! This was exciting to see! It just touched my heart to see the immediate response to God's love working in their hearts. Ahhh He is mighty to save!So now I still haven't completely caught up! I'm still two weeks behind hehe. But I will update that after this team week is over. This last week we had a really really really great teaching on relationships that has completely reshaped my view on them. As well as continued to change the way I look at myself. So far this experience with DTS has been building my personal identity and self image. I see who I am in the truth of God's love. I finally see myself the way God sees me. It's an incredible change of perspective from how I saw myself in the past. God is so good! And feeling your heart change shape inside your chest is a feeling I hope with all my being you have all felt as well. And if you haven't I pray that you are and will feel! He is so ready to take a walk with you. And its such a great time of year! Take a walk! :) Enjoy His love, and share it. That's what life is all about...

More pictures and videos of the last couple weeks coming as soon as possible!