Thailand A`hoy Mateys!! I Am A Gift...

Egads!! We had a team meeting today and I realize that only three days have to come and go before we will be dropped off in 36 C (95 F) weather in the middle of Bangkok Thailand :D Still, even saying this I fully don`t understand the implications of the changes I`m about to experience. God is full of surprises and will provide and pave the way, but I feel like when I step I`ll be stepping in freshly laid concrete that wasn`t there the day before leaving my prints as I go.

I`ve learned sooo much in the last 6 months. I really can`t describe some of the changes and challenges and beautiful revelations God has been giving me through various experiences here in this cozy little town in Norway. I`ve learned alot about myself and feel equipped and confident in who God made me to be :) I`ve had such valuable opportunities to share what God has done in my life and what He has given me to people from across Norway and Europe. I`ve learned that no matter how small or big the talent, we should let it shine and give glory to Him! I don`t want to be the man that took his talent and burried it in the ground, I want to invest my entire being into His kingdom!

This whole period has been rather "me" focused, I won`t lie. And necessarily so at that! As my Swedish friend from Koster Island says "Before you go out, you must go in". Quite simply that is what God has tried to do with me these six months. I`ve fought and struggled with Him, but I`ve learned alot despite my own efforts. He has revealed Himself to me and inside me.

However I`m coming to the point where I simply have to get over myself! :p I`ve learned alot and internalized alot, and resolved issues from my past. I`ve been equipped to live for Him and to live passionately. I feel like I`ve found the good life! Soo cozy!

Yet now I face phase 2 which simply says "Whoever finds his life will lost it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt 10:39 I never fully understood this passage until now, (or atleast how I interpret it). I`m now understanding that I`m faced with a choice. Go into these two months saving some face, not puting my expectations too high, settling for mediocrity and a comfortable living experience. Or... Pour myself out for the sake of His kingdom. I will "throw my life away" in the eyes of many, even my own, but as I give my life as a living sacrifice to do whatever He wills I trust that I will find a truer life than I ever imagined.

What am I willing to give? How much? What`s the point in asking "what`s in it for me?" anymore? Here is the beautiful and weight lifting truth, It`s not about me! Hallelujah, I thought I had drowned in my own ego by now. How much pain am I willing to endure? Is it really worth it?

It`s always worth it... for one child alone. Sometimes I feel like the song "Sleeping in the Light" By Keith Green really applies to me.

Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
Cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

And there`s the kicker! This is where the line falls and by grace alone I stand on one side (or I should say jump and fall) or the other. Will I get my fuzzy bed head out of bed to do what He has said? How can I delay? His spirit has moved my heart, and spoken so much truth to me, I would be denying Him if I did. How can I be so dead, when I`ve been so well fed?

And this is what it comes down to. My motives. My heart. Will my actions and words reflect my heart, but more importantly will my heart reflect Him? The truth is when I change my motives from myself to Gods kingdom, I change from being a victim of my past to a player in Gods kingdom.

This is why I feel like I am about to be broken in half. I feel as if my pride will rain on my own parade and come crashing down only so the skies can clear and I relish in the simple joy of seeing the sun again. I feel as if I will be crushed by mercy and grace itself in horrifying ways that force me to be forgiving and giving to others. UGH ahhGH! This is going to suck! Seriously... as a friend of mine mentioned "all I see is pain in the forecast...". I had to laugh, but now I realize he may have been right.

The most glorious act in all of history, the ransom of our sins, was excrutiatingly painful to the whole being. We are to live as Christ lived. Why did I expect I could escape the pain factor of life? Through pain we find some of the most beautiful and precious things in the world. But who wants the precious things of the world? "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" Psalm 73:25-26.

Through sacrifice and through giving, through living the heart, the curtain is lifted from our eyes and we see the life that is truly life that we read about in 1 Tim 6:17-19 at the end of verse 19. And what are these treasures that are being laid up? Is there really a big big house, with lots and lots of food? Oh no these treasures are different...They`re treasure of the kingdom! And oh how they trump this world! "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." Rom 14:17

In reality these three eternal spiritual truths are the true treasures in any life. This is what I yearn after, this is what I am trading my rags of desperate ego worship for. This is what I`m losing my life for. To find contentment in His hands.

So now all I have left is to be content in His hands, and cast away the lies that tell me to jump out and try stuff on my own because I`m strong and coragious. That`s such a laugh! Oh man. I`ve seriously got to be realistic with myself. I`m such a human man! Ahh its hilarious sometimes :) I really am mortal, and pretty weak in all respects. How could I assume with some air of arrogance that what I did have was rightfully mine?

Everything I have is a gift, everything I am is a gift. I am a gift, and gifts are made to be given. So I`m giving myself completely unreservedly over the top extremely radically to God, and commiting myself 100 % to be used by Him in Thailand. "Do whatever it takes, to make me into your original masterpiece..."

Go Under the Mercy
-Sam

Ps. Here`s a prayer folder my team-mate Helge cooked up for us! It means sooo much if you could take a look and keep my team and I in your prayers! Love you guys! Enjoy :)

http://helgehaugland.com/diverse/prayerfolder_thailand_march_may_2010_english_v3.pdf



This is just a little thing I wrote in Germany that I haven`t posted yet, but wanted to :)

Lovers Walked These Hills...


It`s startling to think of how this little village of Menzingen was once part of Nazi Germany. There`s such peace here. I hear the birds chirp through the winter sunlight. These steep hills lined with orchards and vineyards waiting to burst at the seems at the first mention of spring give me such hope! This place is undyingly romantic and archaic. The fact that other young men have stood where I stand partaking in this gift of beauty stirs somethings inside of me. I can see them standing as I stand now gazing down into the valley over the snow topped village to the hills and woods that lie beyond. It creates a sense of longing in the human soul that can not be explained nor fully fulfilled in the physical sense. Yet there is a beautiful sense of complete contenment in knowing this truth which overwhelms me, and I am thankful just for this short moment.

The church down in the village sounds it`s fifteen past, and I must be on my way. Yet I pause just one last time to cherish the contentment of my soul. God is good, and this simpleness that I behold is just a fragment of the root of truth. Just enough to season my day, to make my cold poridge of a life into a warm tasty bowl of broth that will heat my heart during the winter seasons. God knew what He was doing when He gave us senses to behold His creation. The result of true life is passion and pleasure in its most purest form, where everything is complete. When the striving of the days between physicality and spirituality give way to the calm and the rest found in unity. This is life, this is truth, this is beauty. How can we not fall in love?

This is my prayer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmSrlZ6Uxe4